EP 5: Adventures in Rejection Welcome to Mind Your Practice. I’m Beth Pickens and in this episode, I will talk and talk and talk about rejection and how to make friends with it.
EP 5: Adventures in Rejection
Welcome to Mind Your Practice. I’m Beth Pickens and in this episode, I will talk and talk and talk about rejection and how to make friends with it.
*****
Thanks for listening to Mind Your Practice and be sure to subscribe so you get all the bonus episodes coming your way. Want more homework and support for your creative practice? Join Homework Club where you’ll get monthly homework, workshops, live QnA's, and an accountability pod, hand chosen by me. Go to bethpickens.com to learn more. You can find me on Instagram at @bethpickensconsulting. Thanks for listening and keep making art.
Mind Your Practice is created by Beth Pickens and Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs.
EP 5: Adventures in Rejection
Welcome to Mind Your Practice. I’m Beth Pickens and in this episode, I will talk and talk and talk about rejection and how to make friends with it.
*****
Hello artists.
What is more disorienting and destabilizing for your practice than rejection? It feels awful. It feels personal. It feels like confirmation of all your worst fears about yourself. Rejection is humiliating, enraging, depressing, demoralizing and it just knocks the momentum right out of us. Artists tell me that rejection feels like a buzzing neon sign from the universe blinking the message WHY BOTHER.
I understand. Even though I am a capricorn, I am also a human and I’ve been rejected in all sorts of ways: by people, institutions, opportunities, schools, publishers, and idiot would-be dates. The worst is when I face a rejection and have to listen to my own advice. Truly nothing more terrible. Yet, I will continue this episode.
This may sound counterintuitive but I want you to move toward and make friends with rejection. Why? Because - excuse the metaphor - but rejection is all over your path to success.
The bigger your creative life and practice get, the more rejection you will encounter simply because of probability. As you ask for and go after more of what you want - grants, residencies, shows, collaborations, studio visits, reviews, agents, fellowships, degrees, jobs, and creative opportunities - the more you will get. And with that comes more and more rejection. It’s a numbers thing. As you get more stuff, you get more rejection.
But, my dear artist, the inverse is also true! The more rejection you go after, the more stuff you’ll get! Seriously. I know of artists who have rejection goals each year. For example, an artist might decide they are going to accumulate 50 rejections in a year so that means they have to start asking and applying for a lot of things. Along the way, they are very likely to get a few of those things! And every thing you get plants seeds in very fertile soil; getting stuff begets getting more stuff.
Even your rejections plant seeds. For real! You know how hard it is to be a finalist for something you really want and then you don’t get it? Getting SO CLOSE and then ultimately it’s a rejection? It’s the harshest kind, right? What’s wild to consider though is how people were working and arguing and cajoling and pleading their case for you to get it. There were people fighting for YOU! You had people who were thinking about you as an artist and advocating on your behalf. They were committed to you. They chose you. Even if it didn’t happen in the end, you have these people on your side, cheering you on. That’s not nothing and you don’t know what sort of energy and opportunity will be pushed into motion simply by having selection committees know your name and learn all about your work.
Rejection is the inevitability of your actualized desires. You will be rejected over and over and over again. That’s normal and you can learn to navigate it, I promise. Your favorite artists with the biggest careers who have the most of whatever it is you wish for? They get rejected all the time. And they have throughout their professional lives. Every MacArthur genius artist has gotten rejected more than you can imagine.
So what do you do about your fear of rejection? First, have some compassion. You’re afraid of rejection because you’re human. That’s all. There is no other reason. Everyone else is afraid of it, too, including me. It looks different on other people but it’s the same interior experience. Just fear.
I recommend to my clients that when they get rejected from something, they give themselves the rest of that particular day to feel really bad, angry, depressed, and determined to give up forever. Then, the next day, they have to choose two more things they will ask for, apply for, or go after. Make space for the feelings and then get back to the business of having the life and practice and career that you want.
I also tell my clients to serve on selection committees, panels, and juries. It’s really helpful to be on the selection side so you can see how NOT PERSONAL it is to make decisions about who gets and doesn’t get a thing.
Yes, OF COURSE, I have homework for you all about rejection.
First, let’s consider the last time you were rejected from something as an artist. Think about what it was, how it felt, and what happened in the aftermath. How did it affect you? What was your recovery period?
Now, come up with your rejection goal for the rest of this year. How many rejections will you commit to accumulating? What kinds of things will you go after to reach that number? Who will you share this information with? Who will you turn to when the rejection stings?
Then, I want you to take an action to get yourself into a decision-making committee: apply to be a juror, serve on a grant panel, something where you get to see how selections are made.
Finally, let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear from you.
*****
Thanks for listening to Mind Your Practice and be sure to subscribe so you get all the bonus episodes coming your way. Want more homework and support for your creative practice? Join Homework Club where you’ll get monthly homework, workshops, and an accountability pod, hand chosen by me. Go to bethpickens.com to learn more. You can find me on Instagram at @bethpickensconsulting. Thanks for listening and keep making art.
Mind Your Practice is created by Beth Pickens and Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs.