Welcome to Mind Your Practice. I’m Beth Pickens and in this episode, we’ll discuss asking for help and how hard it can be to open up and receive it.
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THIS EPISODE'S HOMEWORK:
Ok, let’s talk about your homework. First, honestly assess your relationship to asking for help, receiving it, and giving it out. Where is there imbalance? Do you ask but reject offers? Do you only give and refuse to ask? Do you tend to ask but are unwilling to offer? What do you do to avoid asking for help? Just simply notice what’s true for you these days.
Next, is my favorite kind of homework - making a list. Create an epic list of all the ways you can help another artist. Maybe you have some highly technical skills using equipment or software. Or you can listen deeply. Or you can proofread other artist's applications. Maybe you’re good at the internet. Start this list and keep adding to it all the ways you can help other artists in your world.
Next, another list, my favorite! Start a list of what you need help with. Get really specific where you can. Keep it vague where you need to. Keep adding to it every day.
Now, the hard part. Today, yes the very day on which you are listening to my voice, ask three people for three different things on your list. Ask them what they need from you. Start the energy exchange of giving and receiving support.
Let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear from you.
Mind Your Practice is produced by Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs. You can find out more about her practice at carolynpennypackerriggs.com
Ep. 6: HELP
Welcome to Mind Your Practice. I’m Beth Pickens and in this episode, we’ll discuss asking for help and how hard it can be to open up and receive it.
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Hello artists. I’ve spent on average five days a week, 12 months a year for 10 years counseling artists on all the problems and contradictions of living an artist's life in modernity. And there are many. Because I listen to so many different artists, I’m able to identify patterns that occur no matter what the person’s creative discipline, identities, phase of career, personality, or background.
Some problem patterns are almost ubiquitous, which, I find, people are relieved to learn. It comforts us to find out we’re not alone in any experience. And it’s true; if you struggle in some specific way, I am here to tell you that you are absolutely not alone in that difficulty. The great news about humans having similar troubles is this: there are solutions waiting for you. Others have already found a path out of those woods.
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A frequent pattern I’ve found in artists is a fear about asking for help. Almost every artist I know in both my personal life and my professional practice has difficulty asking for and receiving help from others. And the thing is, we all need help sometimes. Maybe all the time! We can’t do things alone; we need all kinds of support.
Here’s a brief list of the kinds of help artists need: emotional support, technical information, money, reminders, deadlines, project participation, references, jobs referrals, moving, a simple extra pair of hands, and someone to listen to you vent or cry. We need help with really specific technical things and we need help with general human life - it runs the entire spectrum for all of us.
Think for a moment about the kinds of help you’ve needed lately. Did you ask for help? Did you receive it?
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We all need help. We can't do life alone. That goes for artists, too. But why is it so difficult to ask for help? Why do we feel guilt, shame, fear, grief, anger, or even physically ill when we are confronted by this simple truth? I think the answer is a mixture of upbringing, culture, intersecting identities, and socialization. Some of us were taught that we have to do everything alone. Maybe we believe that it’s wrong to receive help, that it signifies something undesirable about us. Perhaps your family of origin devalued or punished you for asking. Maybe the dominant culture shamed you for having human needs. Or maybe there’s someone in your life who is always asking but never giving.
And artists will sometimes do anything to avoid asking for help. I’ve seen all kinds of evasion tactics so I’ve started assigning asking for help as homework. That seems to work because my clients love homework and if they know I’m waiting for them to complete an assignment, they’ll do it even if it’s something that they’re afraid of like asking for support.
I find, sometimes, that the people who are most reluctant to ask for help are first in line to offer it. Many artists I know give unconditionally to others but then it doesn’t occur to them that they can receive the same support. In their experience, receiving is much harder than giving. This one-directional help line can lead to exhaustion, resentment, and burnout. This imbalance can be corrected, though, and our lives and practices become abundant as we are willing to both give and receive.
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Something I’ve learned and seen validated over and over again is this: the more you ask for help, the more you’ll get it. Not every time, of course. Sometimes you’ll ask somebody who is unable or unwilling to help. Other times, you’ve mismatched the person with the request and you have to ask someone better suited to help out in a particular way. But you’ll notice that when you ask more people for more of what you need, you’ll get it. And as you tend to the balance of giving and receiving, you’ll deepen a connection to your community.
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Ok, let’s talk about your homework. First, honestly assess your relationship to asking for help, receiving it, and giving it out. Where is there imbalance? Do you ask but reject offers? Do you only give and refuse to ask? Do you tend to ask but are unwilling to offer? What do you do to avoid asking for help? Just simply notice what’s true for you these days.
Next, is my favorite kind of homework - making a list. Create an epic list of all the ways you can help another artist. Maybe you have some highly technical skills using equipment or software. Or you can listen deeply. Or you can proofread other artist's applications. Maybe you’re good at the internet. Start this list and keep adding to it all the ways you can help other artists in your world.
Next, another list, my favorite! Start a list of what you need help with. Get really specific where you can. Keep it vague where you need to. Keep adding to it every day.
Now, the hard part. Today, yes the very day on which you are listening to my voice, ask three people for three different things on your list. Ask them what they need from you. Start the energy exchange of giving and receiving support.
Let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear from you.
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Thanks for listening to Mind Your Practice and be sure to subscribe so you get all the bonus episodes coming your way. If you are an artist who likes to be told what to do, I am more than happy to boss you around through email and social media. You can find me on Instagram at @bethpickensconsulting and join my mailing list on my website bethpickens.com. Thanks for listening and keep making art.
Mind Your Practice is created by Beth Pickens and Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs.